my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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