Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
