i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
