he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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