You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
