OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I bet he comes in French.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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