3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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