Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
