Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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