My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
