I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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