Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
