After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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