Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
