oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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