you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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