Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
