i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
