omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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