He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
