the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
