My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
