one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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