Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
