i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
