ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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