After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
