I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
