Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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