they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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