I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
