I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
