Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize