Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
