Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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