i jhust puked up my retainher.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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