hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
