Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
