he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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