A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
