I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
