Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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