Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
