omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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