Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize