Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
