Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
