i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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