Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
