I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
