Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
