I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
