Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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