Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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