who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
