scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
