My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
