So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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