You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
