No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
