Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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