I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
