It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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