So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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