So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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