But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Randomize
