She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
