How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
