Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
