i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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