so that wasnt chicken after all
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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