Do you still have your period?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
