i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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