i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
