just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
