I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
